Pain is good. Pain has the power to transform us- if only we allow it and not fight it and resist it. I’m grateful to my pain. And to each and every one who is supporting me through it.
One night in April 2019 I was struck by this intense pain in my right neck, shoulder and arm. The intensity was way more than both the labour pains I had been through.
It was diagnosed as “prolapsed disc” but I know otherwise now.
When we are struck by an illness or crisis, we tend to ask, “why me!”
I think it’s a valid question that we need to ask ourselves and our illness…why me? Why now? Why this?
In theory I knew that pain gives us an opportunity to evolve. But this time I had a direct experience.
What I have learnt from this whole ‘so called’ cervical slipped disc saga is this….
Pain and suffering have a purpose. They come into our lives when we stray from our destiny paths. We take birth on earth to learn and evolve. Our destiny helps us with that. But sometimes the pains and pleasures of Samsara take us away from that.
Hence we ‘need’ crises, illness and hard times in our lives to remind us of our higher purpose which is, to evolve to the next stage in spiritual development.
We need to ‘not suppress’ the pain but we need to connect with it- get in touch with it. Breathe into it (Thanks Cameron). Talk to it, listen to it and ask why its here. What it wants from us…what is it that I need to learn…..
My attention was drawn to the possibility that I was carrying a lot of emotional pain from the past that I had not dealt with. It had probably manifested into the physical. I had a huge catharsis one day. I cried for one whole hour….loudly. I let everything go.
I learnt that I had no right over the outcome of my actions. That relieved me of a huge burden of guilt and shame that I was carrying.
Another message that was coming in – from many quarters- was that I need to “look within”. Stay in the present moment. Not be carried away by external impressions.
To not think about ‘what I have to do’….that will come in it’s own course- it will find me- when I’m ready.
Now I just need to focus on “being”- not doing.
My job until then, is to work on building myself physically, emotionally and spiritually so that I am ready for whatever it is that the universe wants of me.
I found a wonderful doctor and therapist who helped me through my pain and who are helping me to get stronger than ever!
I surrender to the will of the universe. The only thing that I need to be concerned right now is about how I can try to be the best version of myself!!
I can say that even as I set that intention, wonderful new beginnings are already unfolding, peeping around the corner….I don’t let self doubts stop me anymore this time. It’s the universe manifesting its will through me. I am merely an instrument and the instrument needs some servicing š.
I don’t let myself feel guilty for focusing on myself and my well being. I can’t give until I receive.
This time I promise myself that I shall not overstretch myself, I shall strengthen myself and find my balance. I shall increase my Qi/Prana quotient. And guess what! I have found a Taichi Master!
GRATITUDE
Nirupama Rao
Inner voice 