WHAT WOMEN WANT

WHAT WOMEN WANT

I got up feeling sore about the fact that women have more problems than men. Their problems are twofold. One being societal and the second being physical. I felt it was unfair that women have more than their share of problems.

So I went on a rant in a couple of groups where I felt safe to be vulnerable about my misgivings. I said that women have fought their own battles and there have been slow but steady changes in their condition, especially social, and it will continue to improve.

But when it comes to physical problems we have to face it all by ourselves. Our grandmothers, mothers and now us- we have had no choice but to accept the reality of menstruation, period pains, excessive  bleeding, PMS, menopause and so on. I am not even talking about gynaecological problems here. I am only talking about day to day “normal” challenges only women have to face.

So in one of the groups where I was ranting, one gentleman said, “It was insightful to me to know about the natural suffering which now I am willing to understand.”

This made my day! This is it! A little understanding is all we need for us to go through what we have to go through. A kind word here and compassionate gesture there from a man (who we resent for having to deal with hardly anything- truth be told) can go a long way to help us feel stronger and supported.

In my grandmother’s time, women would (be made to) sit separately during their periods (by other women 🙄). For three days no one would touch them nor could they touch anything in the house.

For three days, men would take over the charge of the house and women did not have to do anything except maybe wash their stained clothes. Men would mind the children and even cook!

Had this been done with compassion and respect we would not have fought so vehemently against this practice.

Unfortunately, we were made to feel like untouchables during this time and treated as if we were dirty. For this reason we rebelled and abolished this practice successfully. In short we managed to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

We lost our chance to take rest for three days as the men toiled and also learnt some life skills.

Now we have successfully liberated ourselves from this three day rest period. Yay! So now we can go about our lives, work, home, cooking, children and have the period. We have the cake and get to eat it…….all we needed was a little respect 😓🤦

This women’s day my appeal to all boys and men is this. Please sit down with the woman in your life. Be it your mother, sister, wife, girlfriend, colleague or your daughter and tell her that you want to understand so that you can support.

It’s different for every woman. It begins at around 12-13 years and goes on and on till about 50-55 years.

Sit with her and ask her how she feels about her menstrual cycle. Directly or indirectly depending on the comfort level. If you don’t ask her, it’s likely she won’t tell you. That’s  because she has accepted this reality.

Some people may be shocked to hear this because it is still taboo in some parts of our country to talk openly about this, especially the women themselves. They would not want to talk about this to the man no matter how troublesome it is for them. She would rather suffer silently.

Ask her if it is painful, ask if she bleeds too much. Observe if she’s feeling tired and drained out.

See if it’s too painful, could she use a hot water bag? A little back massage? Get her a cup of hot chamomile tea maybe? Or you could get into the kitchen and make a simple breakfast or a meal. Give her a break from household chores.

Don’t call guests for dinner when she is menstruating. Take care of children’s homework and other needs at least for three days.

Most of all just try to understand, because it will be impossible for you to empathize. Don’t even try!

A little support from you will go a long way in giving her the strength to continue doing what she has been doing all these years- all by herself. Maybe, just maybe it will be a little less painful with your help and care.

By Nirupama Rao

 Image courtesy:

https://thelogicalindian.com/amp/exclusive/menstruation-stigma-men/

https://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2019/11/menstruation-men-and-me/amp/

https://www.dreamstime.com/picture-adult-caring-man-hugging-kissing-his-girlfriend-i-picture-adult-caring-men-hugging-kissing-his-girlfriend-image110547661

 Peace to all!

I had a very deep and profound conversation with someone after I posted this article. As a result, I have become aware of a few things which I must mention here

1. I’m aware that every one has challenges and so do men. If the men out there want women to understand something about them, we will try our best. Give us a chance. We may not be able to find solutions but we can try to understand. At the same time, women, let’s not expect men to magically read our thoughts. If we need help, let’s ask for it. We don’t become any lesser for it.

2. There are natural solutions to menstrual issues especially in ayurveda. There is no need to suffer. Take care of your iron and calcium.

 3. Men are often the way they are, because of the socio-cultural conditioning. Let us, as parents become aware of the differences in males and females and teach our children to respect and accept these differences. Let’s teach our children to respect everyone without discrimination and lead by example.

I’m sorry, Please forgive me, I thank you, I love you, Let the grace flow, Peace begins with me 🙏 (Ho’oponopono prayer)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Jeevan Hai Baraf Ki Naiya

Jeevan Hai Baraf Ki Naiya

LIFE is a Boat of Ice…it’s bound to melt and merge with the Ocean

Life is uncertain, but death is certain.

In fact, only death is certain.

Life is the primary cause of death.

Death is just another step in the continuous process of Life and Death.

Death leaves behind a trail

Of loss, of grief, of helplessness

Death causes pain,

Death causes fear.

Death is so scary, that people avoid it…

Thinking about, talking about it.

Everybody dies though….

Sooner, or later.

Some die even before they are born…

Some die in the prime of their youth,

And some die at a ripe old age.

Some die knowing there’s life on the other side.

Some die peacefully in their sleep and

Some lives end in an unnatural, unfortunate, untimely manner.

Some fear death and die every moment of their lives,

While others are too busy living to even think about death.

Some die with honour and greatness,

And when some others die, nobody even cares.

Some would rather die than sacrifice their values,

And there are others who die because they don’t feel valued.

But one thing is clear….No matter when or how we die,

We all know for sure, that once we are born, death is inevitable.

Death is the only certainty.

Death is the only given.

Now that we are clear and aware that we are temporary guests here on earth,

Let’s make the most of our time in the IIM of Life and Death.

IIM Earth- Intergalactic Institute of Mankind!

Yes! We all need to congratulate ourselves on being eligible to attend Earth School!!

The toughest, most challenging of them all!

Lots to learn here….

Let us learn to live consciously,

Let us spend our days here loving everyone.

Let us spend our time doing what gives us joy,

And through that, spread joy.

Let us stop being slaves to greed,

Let us stop taking more than what we need.

Let us discover the joy of giving,

Let us discover the lightness through forgiving.

Let’s not try to add more moments to life,

But let’s try to add more life to every moment.

(I know we’ve all heard that many times before

But today I could feel it)

Because I realise, that we all have just a few moments…

We’re all just temporary guests…

We will all soon be alumni of this great school, called Earth!

Nirupama Rao

Time with Myself

I have been constipating sorry contemplating on this post for a long time…it’s about spending time with ourselves…
Long ago when we were doing the Steiner Education course, the teacher asked us where it is that we spend real, quality time with ourselves….we all came up with different answers…in the morning with a cuppa, while walking, on the bus and so on. But the answer that our teacher was leading to was the toilet seat…This is the most private and sanctimonious place where we spend quality time with ourselves.
I have often called this IP- Inspiration point. This is where I pick up all my brilliant ideas from the thought ether.
Sadly, this Sanctum Sanctorum of our inner world has now been taken over by the virtual world….we now take the mobiles with us into this only place in the world where we would commune with our inner selves…we take other people into the toilet with us. We WhatsApp, we browse, watch tv shows, read, talk, and what not….we are losing connect with ourselves….that is the saddest side effect of technological progress I guess….

(Pic courtesy: googlespeak.deviantart.com/art/Cell-phone-On-Toilet-Thinker-394535695)

Shashi Kapoor and Prithvi Theatre

Went to Prithvi theater yesterday with family. We’re not the theater types but like the cafe. To our surprise we were joined by Shashi Kapoor in his wheelchair… So old, no speech, no movement… But fully aware of everything going on around, with a couple of attendants fussing over him like he was a baby in a stroller…. Initially it was disturbing to see him in this state, after seeing him as a singing, dancing superstar of his age (80s).
His wife Jennifer and he started the Prithvi theater and nurtured it with all their love and passion which was then taken over by their children, mainly Sanjana.
So he sat there for a long time… People were coming up to him, wishing him, congratulating him on his recent recognition- the prestigious Daddasaheb Phalke award, touching his feet, taking his blessings and pictures. He was taking it all in….indulging everyone… In fact he was soaking it up…the young vibrant energy of the place…looking with love at the hub of art and creativity that he and his wife (who sadly left him too early) had so lovingly created… It was as if he was living through the energy of this creation!!
It was a different and interesting experience…gratitude! heart emoticon
http://www.mumbai.org.uk/tourist-attra…/prithvi-theatre.html
http://www.prithvitheatre.org/aboutus.php

ON IMAGINATION

Nov 1, 2014
Whenever Dr Lakshmi my mentor begins to give a talk, she says “I want you to imagine what I’m going to tell you. Put your rational mind away for a few minutes and just stay with your imagination.” And then she will launch herself into images of spiritual realities- I say realities, that do not exist for a rational mind but could, one day, become truth for someone who is willing to imagine.
I have started to learn that Imagination is a gateway to possibilities.
Only when something exists in imagination- someone’s imagination, can it manifest in reality. Yesterday my husband said that every time he gets on a plane, he marvels about the man who once imagined that he could fly!!
Someone imagined that they could fly.
Someone imagined that they could talk to a loved one who lives on the other side of the world.
Someone imagined that man can go to the moon.
Imagination is the gateway to the truth.
It irks many people that in Waldorf schools, the dolls are made with out facial features. The blackboard drawings are made with utmost simplicity. The stories are told not read. It is now clearer to me than ever before why this is so.
Dr Rudolf Steiner was a spiritual scientist. But he was a practical, spiritual scientist. He was clairvoyant and a jnani who had access to spiritual realities. But he wanted to make sure that spiritual knowledge may not merely stored in the head as information. He wanted it to be applied in the most practical ways.
To understand Steiner’s teachings, we need to use our imagination. We can’t learn from him if we are closed minded or too intellectual.
Having said that he often repeated that one has to experience truth for oneself before you apply knowledge in life. If we do it without understanding, it becomes a dogma. That leads to rigidity.
So coming back to unfinished drawings, dolls, stories and toys, they were made in such a way as to foster children’s imagination. What is not complete, the child completes with her imagination.

So Waldorf schools encourage the faculty of imagination right from kindergarten where the children imagine different emotions on the face of a doll depending on the play or on the emotion that the child is experiencing. Imagine your doll grinning when you are sad!
The children imagine the characters of the story- the setting, the weather and the landscape. There is no right or wrong and there is no limit to a child’s imagination. The teacher paints rich pictures with her words and when she gives plain paper and crayons to the child, all the vivid imagination flows through the child’s hands on to the paper. Children in Waldorf schools are never asked to color a readymade drawing. They are encouraged to draw out of the rich treasury of their imagination.
In older classes, imagination gives way to independent thinking.
Whether in Waldorf grade classes or in our training seminars, there are no ready answers. The answers already exist in us. We need to dig deep into ourselves to find them. In today’s generation, this can be tough!

Yesterday I saw a child on the street clutching a doll. A doll cast away by another child. The doll had no clothes on. It was missing a limb or two and perhaps an eye. But for the little girl, the doll was complete. What was absent, she made it present with her imagination. When this little girl grows up, she may be inspired to turn into reality the life that she will imagine for herself.

When we use our imagination, we will understand that people with disability who, may in a way be incomplete in the physical realm are complete in other subtle ways that can be experienced, but not perceived with senses. There’s more to a human being than just his body. When, aided by imagination we are able to perceive a complete soul and an intact spirit, we begin to see only a difference but not a disability.

This is the reason some teachers cannot see beyond the perceptible reality of who the child with a so called special need appears to be. She can’t see who the child really is, or can be if the teacher’s imagination would allow it. When the teacher complains to the mother about what the child cannot or does not do, the mother cannot accept it, because only the mother and often not even the father, can see the child as a complete human being who is capable of thinking, feeling and doing and being. A teacher who can imagine that the child is complete the way he is, will be inspired to do her best for him and then when her intuition takes over, both the child and teacher can together find new ways of doing things.

When we live with imagination,
It leads to inspiration and
that in turn leads to intuition
where we meet with truth- our own, personal truth.
This is in total antithesis with the Google generation. The generation of instant answers. The generation of Barbie dolls and video games.
We are losing our imagination to smart phones and touch screens.
More than any other time in history, especially a hundred years ago when Steiner spoke about imagination, inspiration and intuition, today is when we really need to foster these qualities in children and in adults so that we can remain in touch with ourselves and to be inspired by nature so with intuition we can get closer to truth and to reality.
For this we need to find time to quietly be with ourselves and listen to the inspiring, intuitive voice that exists within each one of us.
Photo courtesy: http://tillytilda.blogspot.in/2013/06/tilly-tilda-pocket-waldorf-dolls.html?m=1